Homeschooling with chronic illness or pain?

Great new review for Invisible Illness, Visible God on Amazon today! Minnie writes:

I can't say enough about this devotional. It is so comforting to read, especially if you yourself are going through any kind of trial: illness, job loss, relationship problem, etc. It is filled with God's word and promises but also filled with very real emotions that we all experience at different times of our lives. It is hard to use as a daily devotional because I want to read it all at once (it's that good!). 

Amazon is sold out right now, but Barnes & Noble online has it in stock and they also do free shipping on orders $25 and up. 

I have it in stock here on Hope Is My Anchor too, if you would like a signed copy. I talk with so many homeschoolers who are caring for loved ones that have chronic illness or pain. I hope you will check it out!

How Much is Enough? Race to Nowhere

As I've read homeschool message boards for the past 13 years, again and again I hear moms question,

"How much is enough?" 

Sometimes this question stems from a need for reassurance from more experienced educators. However, many times this question comes about because of fear.  Fears about test scores, about children "measuring up," about our children's futures (can they compete? can they get into a good college? can they get a good job?).

This drive to measure up and excel comes from all kinds of sources--from friends and family who may fill us with doubts or even actively oppose our choice to homeschool. From reading message boards or talking with other moms and hearing the list of things they do. (Side note--comparisons are a dangerous thing.  We assume other families are doing all that we do PLUS those other items that we can never get to.  There is ALWAYS a trade-off.  Everyone has the same amount of time.  If someone else is doing something that you are not--then you are doing something they are not, even if you don't know what that something is.) Sometimes the fears stem from our own sense of pride, of needing to prove to ourselves or the world that we can do this and be successful.

If this rings true for you...ask yourself at what cost, and if that cost is worth it.

I believe academic excellence has value, and that we as homeschoolers should pursue this.  But it is not the only thing of value--nor the thing of highest value. If you feel a sense of mounting pressure, or that homeschooling has become a rat race...get out. Not out of homeschooling--but out of the trap of this way of thinking.

Here's an interesting movie trailer about the Race to Nowhere that I think has as much relevance for homeschoolers as it does for public and private schoolers:




If you find yourself feeling stuck, here are a few thoughts for you:

1, Pray.  What would God have you focus on in your family, for your homeschool?

2, Ask your children to pray.  What is meaningful to them?  What would they like to learn?  Encourage them to take an active role in shaping their education.  That doesn't mean you will automatically pursue what they suggest, but that you'll seriously consider their opinions and ideas.  I've often found that my kids had great things to share about what to study as well as how to study, and we do yearly reviews as well as other conversations to discuss these issues.

3, Search the Word.  Proverbs is full of wisdom and might be a good place to start.  My kids and I are reading Ecclesiastes right now.  "All is meaningless! A chasing after the wind!"  Together we are asking the question, "what is meaningful?"

4, Talk with older homeschoolers you respect.  What do they feel has been beneficial?  What would they do differently?  Then, sit with what they have to say and decide whether it fits your family or not.  There are as many ways to homeschool as there are unique individuals in this world, so consider the counsel of others carefully.

How about you?  Have you felt pressured to keep piling on the subjects?  What changes would you like to make for next year?

Smiles for a Moody Teen

"Imagine the harmony in our homes if we were to give encouragement a place of prominence.  Think of what might happen if smiles and hugs for a moody teenager were a more natural response than critical words."

~ Sharon W. Betters

Treasures of Encouragement:

Women Helping Women in the Church 

*************************

Maybe I'd even be a less-moody mom!

Lord, help me to be a loving mom, attentive to the needs of my children.  Help me to really listen, to parent without fear and keep my eyes focused on you.  Help me each day to dwell in your word, to sup on rich fare at your table, to come to you empty, ready to be filled.  Fill me, that I might have something of eternal value to give my precious blessings.  

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Life’s Devotion – Around the Table Review

I promised a review of this short but encouraging book, but first I’ll start with a story which the author has graciously given me permission to post here.  She writes:

In Bogota we live in an enclosed community with seventy-five townhouses squeezed onto five acres.  Each house comes with a brick-tiled parking spot out front.  The day we moved into our house, our neighbor’s “driveway” was torn up.  I asked her if there had been a problem.  “I can’t get the old tiles to keep a shine,” she told me, “so I’m replacing them with a better quality.  Hopefully these will stay nice looking.”  I had never heard of shining a driveway, so I wasn’t sure what kind of a community I was moving into. 

Every morning she comes out armed with a bucket, mop, and hot soapy water to wash her parking spot.  Then, with a rag pushed by a broom, she dries the driveway tiles.  After that she uses her electric floor polisher to bring up the luster of the wax.  When her husband comes home, he has to wipe his feet on their patch of grass and then on a mat at the bottom of the driveway before walking the ten paces to the front door. 

One day my children got out their sidewalk chalk and decorated our parking space, filling in each brick with a different color until it looked like a patchwork quilt.  After I admired it with them they ran off to the park to play.  A short while later, my neighbor came to my door to tell me that the unthinkable had happened:  my children had left chalk dust footprints on her driveway. 

She scolded me for their thoughtlessness and complained about how much work it is to clean her driveway and that she had already done it for the day.  Later as I hosed away the work of art, she lugged out the bucket, mop, water, and floor polisher again:  crash, swish, whirr.  And that is just how she cares for the driveway! 

That house is my neighbor’s life devotion.  It’s what she talks about “when she sits in her house and when she walks by the way.”  It’s what she is thinking about when she gets up at 5 a.m., and it is what she is consumed with until 11 p.m. when she turns off the news to go to sleep.

What is your life’s devotion? 

I want my life’s devotion to be the person of God as He has revealed Himself in Scripture.  My “devotions” or “devotional times” are the food for the devotion of my life, but my devotion to God continues all day.

It’s so easy, in the busy-ness of life, to get caught up in other things.  Pretty things, important things, even good things.  What do we think about when we rise, when we’re sitting or walking along the way, when we lay down at night?  Are we consumed with things of this world, even good things? 

I confess I didn’t have a lot of hope when I first sat down to read this book.  I thought it might be helpful for others and was hoping to share about it for that reason, but thought it probably wouldn't offer much for our family.  After all, things that “work” in “normal” families, don’t usually work for us.  The structure of our days often revolves around the uniqueness of my husband’s disability rather than things we can “plan” and “count on.”  That makes meal times with all of us together difficult to accomplish.

But I came away renewed by her encouraging tone and the variety of creative solutions she has, especially:

1. Hospitality can happen anywhere
2. Meals together, even when some are missing, have value and significance
3. Ideas for special celebrations (with Easter coming up, I think I’ll try to make this meal more special this year)
4. Spending a little time ahead of time thinking about topics for deeper conversations (and she presents lots of ideas).

I found the first and second points especially encouraging.  Hospitality is hard when you have a family member with chemical sensitivities, but I can be warm and hospitable in other situations too—it’s not just about “home.”  

Meals together have great value—even if my husband isn’t up when the kids and I eat, I can eat with them, and sit down with a cup of coffee or tea when he is up, and still share time together.  And on days when we don’t all eat breakfast or lunch together—I can take a few moments to sit with a child or with Dave.  I can treasure those moments instead of lamenting that we are not “all” together, we can still make them special.  I can create a home atmosphere that encourages together time, even if it's not always "all together."  

This book has a lot of hope for families who struggle against the cultural constraints of our society to find time together--activities, work obligations, and so on.  And in those moments we carve out, we can share windows into our faith journey, the One we are devoted to.  I often hear parents asking for a "curriculum" to teach character qualities and those have value, but I think most character training happens in times together such as mealtimes.  I hope when my kids are grown that we will be "Still Talking" and talking deeply about the things of life that are important. 

It’s easy to get caught up in "polishing driveway tiles"—but how much more meaningful it is to capture those moments here and there with someone and remember together, marvel together, about Christ who has captured our hearts.  

The former give-away I blogged about is done, but the book is available for a 25% discount.  The author, Sharon Fleming, is sponsoring another giveaway.  Read her blog entry here for more details.

May God bless your homes and families.

When Family Disapprove

by Jill Evely

I come from a family of teachers, in fact I have a teaching degree but chose to stay home and have a large family (5) instead of working. My parents were against homeschooling from the start---and that was in 1990. We treated homeschooling as the proverbial "Elephant in the Room," we didn't talk about it. My dad did teach the boys drafting and woodshop, but my parents felt the kids needed a classroom setting in order to be able to go on to college, etc. At that time we were in a church of about 3000, and we were the only home educators in our church.

I was raised that education is your salvation, it is how my dad pulled himself out of poverty, so it is no wonder they were skeptical. Although Christians, they did not understand any of our convictions for educating our 5 children at home.

After SEVEN years, finally my dad came and sat at the table where I was checking over some math papers and said, "You know we never approved of you homeschooling the kids.(Long Pause) But I see what great kids you have, and the closeness they have, how well they are doing and want to tell you your sacrifice was worth it. You have done a great job and you made the right decision."

Sometimes you just have to live it out---you can't talk it out or prove it with statistics, you have to live it out, just like your faith---day by day. My dad died a few years later, and oh what a sweet memory the above has for me. How glad I am that we stuck to it, that we lived it out, that we were kind and gentle with scoffers. Hopefully you will be able to tell your own stories of acceptance in the years to come.

Jill Evely is a homeschooling mom and a consultant/moderator for Sonlight Curriculum's forums.  Her kids are grown now.  She initially began homeschooling when her oldest son was in middle school, due to safety problems at the school, and her son's asthma.  She writes, "My husband had more faith in me that I had in myself, but within a month Cris was whistling, a sound I hadn't heard for months. His asthma was non-existant. He was growing spiritually. We had made the right choice."

© 2003